Dearest Beloved,
I didn't write to you yesterday for two reasons. First, I did get contact from you (about your blood type) so technically according to my own stipulations, I didn't need to. Plus, secondly, I made it to my final destination at about 1:30 AM and I was exhausted!
Today is the day that you called me to give your address. So, I suppose that counts as contact except there's so much I want to say to you that I couldn't say earlier.
First off, I really regret not at least asking if you had a few moments where we could speak. I imagined you being given like 5 minutes to give the address and hang up so I didn't want to get you in trouble or put you in a tight spot... but, looking back, I feel like I almost rushed YOU off the phone, so, I just want you to know I wanted to make it as easy as possible on you and it wasn't that I didn't want to savor or cherish that limited time with you. I hope you understand. At least part of me is EXCITED to finally be able to send you my letters, even if it does mean the end of cell phone contact.
My heart aches without you... don't for a moment think that I've forgotten about you or that I'm moving on... you are, and have always been, worth waiting for. I just hope you won't make me wait for too much longer, you know I'm impatient to begin our lives together! Not to say that hasn't already begun in a way, but there's only so much you an do without commitment. I live in constant fear that something (the Army?) or... God forbid... someone will change your heart and take you away from me. :( I trust you. I know you will not cheat, but you haven't promised me forever yet so that could mean everything could change in an instant. I know what I want. You are the light of my life. I can't imagine a world without you, puppy... but if you decide you'd be better off in a world without me I don't know what I would do.
I love you more than I have ever loved anyone-- on such a deep level that even when I am pissed at you or upset by something you did-- I still would never even consider leaving you. I feel as though the level of love and commitment *I* have is on par with what would be present in a marriage. I just don't know if those feelings are requited and that feels so awful. The fear of losing you. But... that fear makes me appreciate what I have. The fact that you DO love me, that you want me to wait, that you want me to write... and that I'm lucky enough to have a man like you. Don't ever feel that I don't appreciate you. You are my sunshine and without you, life is dull and grey. I can't wait to feel your spark again.
Sorry for the lengthy letter this time. Perhaps I'm looking to compensate for not writing yesterday even though we had a little contact.
I found out that if (when?) we have kids, they will have either A or B types and could be either + or -, but type O is not possible and neither is AB! Or maybe it just isn't likely? I don't know. I'm jut so thrilled to finally know your blood type, even if it is of little import, it bothered me as much as not knowing your hair color would! LOL. I love your hair. I never thought of myself as one typically attracted to blonde guys, but your hair is so... golden. Do you miss it? Haha. I hope you don't get overly used to the baldness because I think I'd miss your golden hair over time. What I can't live without-- and I know this is cheesy but I don't care-- is your golden heart.
In all my letters so far I've said stay soft inside, so when you get a chance to reply... can you tell me your thoughts there? Do you feel like the military is trying to change you? To harden you? Can you make it out with a soft center that still appreciates me as the fluffy marshmallow cherub you've loved for so long?
Even if the Army tries to make you feel like you're nothing, never forget that you're MY EVERYTHING!
Yours, hopefully forever~<3
CherryGirl
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