Dear *Soldier*,
Today was a pretty productive day. I decided to try fasting after my cheating (as I mentioned before) but I didn't want to push it too much (anything that feels like torture I know I wouldn't stick to). So, I basically went from about 9 pm last night to 5:30 pm today or so, which is 20 hours-ish of fasting. It was not really that difficult. I had a light dinner and then a spoonful of peanut butter a few hours later because I got hungry again but I didn't want to eat another meal. I also went to Curves and did my workout on an empty stomach with no real problems. Today when I went to do a particular stretch, I could tell I can reach farther now than when I first started... I have to bend forward, basically, to complete the stretch. So, that has to mean that I have less mass in the middle there, even if it's only slightly. :) PROUD OF ME NOW?! XD Just kidding. I'm excited to let you know what my actual results are but I won't know until Friday at my one-month weigh in and fat % checking, etc... :P
I have read Unit 13 and will work on completing the worksheet portion of it tomorrow. I officially have less than a month to get through the last 8 Units, but I feel confident that I can do it. I just have to focus. In fact, I want to get it done before your graduation so I don't have to worry about it in the back of my mind. :)
Hmmm... M*'s computer caught on fire today. Not completely engulfed in flames or anything, but his power supply started smoking, lol. He's pretty bummed about it since they just upgraded their computers with new RAM sticks and hard drives.
Finally, saved the worst for last I guess... Farrah died. Your mom saw her on the side of the road earlier today and thought it was a possum... she got hit by a car and it was apparently pretty gruesome. I know you weren't overly attached to her, but I'm sure you understand how I feel and how your mom is beside herself... she's stopped responding to my texts so I can only hope and pray that she's okay. Furthermore, things have majorly fallen apart between her and Sh*... his son and his son's girlfriend moved into the house w/ them along with his daughter, so it's a packed house and L*'s totally stressed out. She said they should be gone by Christmas though so that we can still stay there but... who knows. Your mom even said "I'm about to up and move to Texas." although I know her well enough to know that's just talk. XD Anyway, losing Farrah a week after she lost her Aunt E* plus her home being full of stress and strife... I know she's having a rough time. Keep her in your thoughts. Maybe even drop her a letter if you can manage. I wish they gave you more time to write. :/ Makes me think about life and death and how we never know how much time we have left or what our lives can hold... I'm getting better about feeling happy in the "now" and not always thinking I'll be happy later... but I am also ever-aware of my age, my parents' age, and the passage of time in general. I try to ignore it but that only lasts so long before my biological clock reminds me again that time is ticking...
Speaking of which, I had a dream last night where you said you'd propose to me "soon" and we talked about the ring I want... (split shank stone-inlay [diamond or moissanite] with milgrain finish and a center stone, round or cushion with 4 prongs [not 6!]) I found the exact one I want online, in moissanite, and I dream about it... and then I woke up. Haha...
Anyway I need to get to sleep. I love you, I miss you, my heart aches every day for you. I feel the need to say it again, so I shall. Truly, I love you like no other, Puppy. Return to me safely and keep your heart soft inside. <3 We'll figure it out. I hope. ^_^
Your Loving Girlfriend,
Cherry Girl <3
p.s. Including a return envelope again, but this time I wrote my questions on the paper so it'd be easier for you to answer (hopefully). I love you!
Included:
*Note: You can send one page @ a time if that's easier-- I broke it up over two pages to help w/ time management. Respond when you can babes. I love you!!!
* I read that a quick kiss, "short" hug, & linking arms, is all that's allowed when you're in uniform in public. I REALLY don't want you to push me away for trying to touch you so I need to know in advance... is that info consistent with what you've been told?
* When Family Day comes you SHOULD be able to leave base to go to the hotel... your family should also be there... will you please be willing to request some alone time? I don't want to ask & I know they'd respect it if you asked.
* Is alone time with me something that you want/ are looking forward to?
* Who else has written you letters?
* What is church like? (instruments, singing, etc)
* Do you have access to a guitar & (assuming not), do you want me to bring one to graduation?
* You talked about the gun spinning stuff in a previous letter... Are you going to learn more complicated movements with the rifles or is that only for certain MOS's?
* Do you still love me? How much? ;D
* Did you get my letter written on Sept 17th and the pictures I included for you?
*(if yes) How did you feel, having gotten my short letter but then getting a letter where I told you all about how crazy I am about you? :)
* Do you like the pictures/Do you look at them regularly?
* Do you still miss me? (last question. :) love you!)
Monday, September 30, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Letter: About Finances, Phone Call, Nervousness
Dear *Soldier*,
I'm tired. :( I spoke with you today on the phone, and while I was thrilled to talk to you (really, I was!!!) it was a little bit frustrating. I have so much I need to talk to you about... finances, plans, decisions... all of which are things we need more than 10 minutes to discuss so I don't bring them up in the phone call. All I want to say is that I've been taking care of your finances as we discussed. Your bank account checking balance is $200, savings is $500, Betterment is $1,341.59. You've earned $16.88 at this current moment. All I will say is I'm going to be totally broke after the trip to Oklahoma. The gas is expensive and I've had to pay for storage (ongoing), gas, and food since getting to Texas as well. Even with the help mom and dad are giving me, I am really terrified that I'll be stretched too thin to buy a plane ticket for Christmas (unless I can find a REALLY cheap deal one month before... doubtful) let alone pay you back for the rent you paid to Jenny or the pictures... I'm happy you got a comprehensive package but $90 is... well, a lot. The memories will last you forever, and I definitely want everything you described over the phone, so it's fine... I find a way to pay for it eventually. I still owe Jenny like $150 too. So, needless to say I feel kind of like I'm drowning financially and I hate it. I just want the cert done so I can raise my prices and make money a bit more easily... as it stands, I can't promise I'll be there for Christmas. I can promise I'll do my best. Mom and Dad have clearly stated they will not help me get there and I cannot guarantee I'll have the money to get up there. I WILL be there for graduation. I WILL finish my certification. Those are the things I'm focused on achieving right now. Beyond that, who knows. I hadn't wanted to say anything about it because I didn't want to stress you out at all... I know money matters are stressful and frustrating, so please don't worry about it right now. Just focus on what you're doing, stay safe, keep your soft marshmallow heart. Show me some love and kindness, even if you can only spare 10 minutes to say you care. I still love you, and I need you now more than ever. I need a hug, a kiss... some cuddling. I need to feel your warmth, in more ways than one. I need my Sunbear. :( I'm not sure how I'll make it through a whole 'nother week without any letters... I hate knowing for sure there's not one coming tomorrow... it'll be the first time MORE than a week passed since a letter came. That makes me feel sick to my stomach. I want the best for you, I think of you all the time, and I'm constantly wishing and hoping and praying that we'll make it through this. I'm prepared for the long haul... I'm just waiting for you to join me for the journey. :P I can't wait to reconnect with you. We've never gone this long without speaking (since we met, even) and it's absolutely killing me inside...
Oh, one important thing. On the phone today, I said it was mean when you said, "Good job not crying." I felt like... well... that's a part of me. And you're telling me "Good job not being so... you." (Like Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon), lol... So, I hope you can understand now how it hurt my feelings... I thought you cherished who I was, crying included. I hope you realize I cried last week, and today, because of how deeply and sincerely I love you. I don't think it's an accomplishment to not cry... I think it's good to remain intelligible, but for me, not crying would mean not caring... and I certainly hope that's not what you want...
I also hope when you said it felt like your birthday to get your phone, that speaking with me is included in those good feelings! I know I floundered a ton on the phone... I was actually totally nervous! When I write to you, I know you can't respond for a while (or at all, it seems...) but on the phone you're... right there. And I only have a few short minutes! There's way more pressure, lol. It's hard to describe, but it feels strange. Like I go into shock and I can't think straight because I'm so overwhelmed with emotion or something... I hope that goes away quickly when we're together again in person. I miss our closeness. I miss your light. I accept all of you and I love you completely and unconditionally. Stay soft inside, ok?
Your Babes,
Cherry Girl <3
p.s.
I'm including a page of blank paper and an envelope w/ stamp & everything. I know you said you're super busy but I beg you, just write a few sweet words for me... It's getting harder and harder to hold on with every progressive day with no letter or anything. I need to know that you still think about, and want, a future with me. I love you so much and I always will. I can't keep these creeping fears & doubts away sometimes about YOUR feelings. People break up so often after deployments & stuff... I need to know that you're just as interested in getting through this as I am... that our separation pains you too. Are you with me on this?
Looking forward to that joyful moment when I see that letter from the man I LOVE MOST IN THE WHOLE WORLD. (Psst. It's You.) <3
I'm tired. :( I spoke with you today on the phone, and while I was thrilled to talk to you (really, I was!!!) it was a little bit frustrating. I have so much I need to talk to you about... finances, plans, decisions... all of which are things we need more than 10 minutes to discuss so I don't bring them up in the phone call. All I want to say is that I've been taking care of your finances as we discussed. Your bank account checking balance is $200, savings is $500, Betterment is $1,341.59. You've earned $16.88 at this current moment. All I will say is I'm going to be totally broke after the trip to Oklahoma. The gas is expensive and I've had to pay for storage (ongoing), gas, and food since getting to Texas as well. Even with the help mom and dad are giving me, I am really terrified that I'll be stretched too thin to buy a plane ticket for Christmas (unless I can find a REALLY cheap deal one month before... doubtful) let alone pay you back for the rent you paid to Jenny or the pictures... I'm happy you got a comprehensive package but $90 is... well, a lot. The memories will last you forever, and I definitely want everything you described over the phone, so it's fine... I find a way to pay for it eventually. I still owe Jenny like $150 too. So, needless to say I feel kind of like I'm drowning financially and I hate it. I just want the cert done so I can raise my prices and make money a bit more easily... as it stands, I can't promise I'll be there for Christmas. I can promise I'll do my best. Mom and Dad have clearly stated they will not help me get there and I cannot guarantee I'll have the money to get up there. I WILL be there for graduation. I WILL finish my certification. Those are the things I'm focused on achieving right now. Beyond that, who knows. I hadn't wanted to say anything about it because I didn't want to stress you out at all... I know money matters are stressful and frustrating, so please don't worry about it right now. Just focus on what you're doing, stay safe, keep your soft marshmallow heart. Show me some love and kindness, even if you can only spare 10 minutes to say you care. I still love you, and I need you now more than ever. I need a hug, a kiss... some cuddling. I need to feel your warmth, in more ways than one. I need my Sunbear. :( I'm not sure how I'll make it through a whole 'nother week without any letters... I hate knowing for sure there's not one coming tomorrow... it'll be the first time MORE than a week passed since a letter came. That makes me feel sick to my stomach. I want the best for you, I think of you all the time, and I'm constantly wishing and hoping and praying that we'll make it through this. I'm prepared for the long haul... I'm just waiting for you to join me for the journey. :P I can't wait to reconnect with you. We've never gone this long without speaking (since we met, even) and it's absolutely killing me inside...
Oh, one important thing. On the phone today, I said it was mean when you said, "Good job not crying." I felt like... well... that's a part of me. And you're telling me "Good job not being so... you." (Like Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon), lol... So, I hope you can understand now how it hurt my feelings... I thought you cherished who I was, crying included. I hope you realize I cried last week, and today, because of how deeply and sincerely I love you. I don't think it's an accomplishment to not cry... I think it's good to remain intelligible, but for me, not crying would mean not caring... and I certainly hope that's not what you want...
I also hope when you said it felt like your birthday to get your phone, that speaking with me is included in those good feelings! I know I floundered a ton on the phone... I was actually totally nervous! When I write to you, I know you can't respond for a while (or at all, it seems...) but on the phone you're... right there. And I only have a few short minutes! There's way more pressure, lol. It's hard to describe, but it feels strange. Like I go into shock and I can't think straight because I'm so overwhelmed with emotion or something... I hope that goes away quickly when we're together again in person. I miss our closeness. I miss your light. I accept all of you and I love you completely and unconditionally. Stay soft inside, ok?
Your Babes,
Cherry Girl <3
p.s.
I'm including a page of blank paper and an envelope w/ stamp & everything. I know you said you're super busy but I beg you, just write a few sweet words for me... It's getting harder and harder to hold on with every progressive day with no letter or anything. I need to know that you still think about, and want, a future with me. I love you so much and I always will. I can't keep these creeping fears & doubts away sometimes about YOUR feelings. People break up so often after deployments & stuff... I need to know that you're just as interested in getting through this as I am... that our separation pains you too. Are you with me on this?
Looking forward to that joyful moment when I see that letter from the man I LOVE MOST IN THE WHOLE WORLD. (Psst. It's You.) <3
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Letter: About Diet Update, Cheat Day Aftermath, Begging for Letters
Your Cherub loves you. <3
Dear *Soldier*,
Not much to report today. I actually DID make it to Curves this morning (unlike last week) and, similarly to last week the scale hasn't moved much. (Down 0.4 lbs) -_- I'm a little discouraged but I THINK I'm just building a lot of muscle right now. Maybe I'm decreasing in size and body fat percentage. I'll find out for sure next week because around Oct. 3 is my one month mark from when I joined Curves. I feel better, stronger, have more energy, and my cheat meals make me feel miserable. It's good reinforcement, lol. That's what I'm going through right now... cheat meal aftermath... I feel terrible (bloated, gaseous, crampy, etc). Anyway you get the idea. I think that by eating this way I will never WANT to "go off" the diet because of how these foods are affecting me and how much control I've gained over what I eat. :)
I'm going to get a Unit done tonight after I finish my letter. I really don't want to get to the point where I'm panicking about it. Spent the day chatting with Aunt R* and R* so I feel pretty unproductive. I need to make up for it. <3
I miss you a lot. It's painful to be out of contact with you for so long. Please write letters as often as you get a chance. The last one I got arrived on Monday... this is the third week straight with only one letter from you. :( I know BCT is close to being over but I need you still... and I feel like you're slipping away... it makes me so sad being without you all the time, day in and day out... If you don't get to call tomorrow I'll be pretty devastated. And I know it's not a guaranteed thing-- I read sometimes they let soldiers call every Sunday starting in a certain phase, but I realize it's totally possible, and likely, that it was a one time thing... especially in that event, please write more letters soon... I ache to have some kind of contact with you. I fantasize about you all the time-- hugging, holding, kissing, etc, with you. I'm going a little crazy, lol. I've never been through anything like this before, and... well, you asked me once if I could be OK living the life of an Army wife... the answer is yes-- but not comfortably. It would be easier if I had little ones to care for, while you're gone, I think. It would help keep me busy and give me someone to cuddle with. The cat is just not the same. Anyway, it doesn't matter how hard it gets, I will always be willing to put up with whatever it takes, provided you commit to me (yes, I mean marriage). I will always wait & be faithful to my Army husband-- if you decide you cannot live without me in your life... I'm finding it especially hard to survive without you.
Sending kisses XXXXX
I LOVE YOU,
like crazy baby :)
Cherry Girl <3
your faithful loving gf. :)
Dear *Soldier*,
Not much to report today. I actually DID make it to Curves this morning (unlike last week) and, similarly to last week the scale hasn't moved much. (Down 0.4 lbs) -_- I'm a little discouraged but I THINK I'm just building a lot of muscle right now. Maybe I'm decreasing in size and body fat percentage. I'll find out for sure next week because around Oct. 3 is my one month mark from when I joined Curves. I feel better, stronger, have more energy, and my cheat meals make me feel miserable. It's good reinforcement, lol. That's what I'm going through right now... cheat meal aftermath... I feel terrible (bloated, gaseous, crampy, etc). Anyway you get the idea. I think that by eating this way I will never WANT to "go off" the diet because of how these foods are affecting me and how much control I've gained over what I eat. :)
I'm going to get a Unit done tonight after I finish my letter. I really don't want to get to the point where I'm panicking about it. Spent the day chatting with Aunt R* and R* so I feel pretty unproductive. I need to make up for it. <3
I miss you a lot. It's painful to be out of contact with you for so long. Please write letters as often as you get a chance. The last one I got arrived on Monday... this is the third week straight with only one letter from you. :( I know BCT is close to being over but I need you still... and I feel like you're slipping away... it makes me so sad being without you all the time, day in and day out... If you don't get to call tomorrow I'll be pretty devastated. And I know it's not a guaranteed thing-- I read sometimes they let soldiers call every Sunday starting in a certain phase, but I realize it's totally possible, and likely, that it was a one time thing... especially in that event, please write more letters soon... I ache to have some kind of contact with you. I fantasize about you all the time-- hugging, holding, kissing, etc, with you. I'm going a little crazy, lol. I've never been through anything like this before, and... well, you asked me once if I could be OK living the life of an Army wife... the answer is yes-- but not comfortably. It would be easier if I had little ones to care for, while you're gone, I think. It would help keep me busy and give me someone to cuddle with. The cat is just not the same. Anyway, it doesn't matter how hard it gets, I will always be willing to put up with whatever it takes, provided you commit to me (yes, I mean marriage). I will always wait & be faithful to my Army husband-- if you decide you cannot live without me in your life... I'm finding it especially hard to survive without you.
Sending kisses XXXXX
I LOVE YOU,
like crazy baby :)
Cherry Girl <3
your faithful loving gf. :)
Friday, September 27, 2013
Letter: About Intermittent Fasting, Diet Ideas, Hard Day Emotionally
Dear *Soldier*,
Today there was no mail at all. I can't get over how alone I feel today. Mom & Dad went out of town and the boys had a football game. I made myself a steak dinner and watched Miss Congeniality (a movie from 2000). It was funny and sweet but I was sad that there was no one to share it with. I wanted to get a Unit done tonight, but in all honesty, I was so sad and I missed you so much that I couldn't focus on anything. I read about weight loss studies to see if there are ways I could further accelerate my weight loss but it was hard to focus so I read the same thing over and over again. I learned of a technique called "IF" or Intermittent Fasting, which apparently works better for men than for women, but only if you're extreme about it. Since I'm doing a cheat day that fills me up a ton, I think fasting the next day might help with "recovery" before I start the eating plan again for the week. I'm going to try it and just see how I feel. From Sunday night dinner to Monday night dinner I'll fast-- so 24 hrs or so. I'm also going to incorporate more "damage control" techniques to try to prevent huge gains when I pig out. For example, drinking grapefruit juice, which is supposed to help blunt any insulin spikes, and doing 90 seconds of intense exercise before eating & after so that the sugars get burned off and no stored. We shall see... XD It's hard to tell what's hokey and what's not, and different things work differently for different people because everyone is different. o_o I have gone to Curves 4x this week and I will go in the morning tomorrow after my weigh-in and before breakfast. I also decided I'm going to try working out on an empty stomach and see if that accelerates my weight loss too. I want results, dammit! LOL.
Anyway, I was going to mention earlier but I got sidetracked... they posted more pictures of your battery today on Facebook and yet again there are no pictures of you. I feel like I should be grateful they even bother but at the same time it feels like utter torture... cause I get so excited and I slowly & painstakingly search every visible face in the pictures hoping to recognize you and every time I get to the end of the new uploads with nothing. :( It's kinda like when the mail man comes and there's no letter, except worse. I am totally hating this situation today. I broke down and cried for about 15 minutes straight... but I'm better now. I just want to know that I'm not going through this for nothing... I want to know that you'll always be with me... I wish I could know that and I hate that I don't. It makes it that much harder at times like this. I love you so much... sorry for the downer letter today. I had a hard time. Can't wait to see you/speak to you/get a letter/anything.
Your loving & devoted girlfriend,
Cherry Girl
XXXXX
Today there was no mail at all. I can't get over how alone I feel today. Mom & Dad went out of town and the boys had a football game. I made myself a steak dinner and watched Miss Congeniality (a movie from 2000). It was funny and sweet but I was sad that there was no one to share it with. I wanted to get a Unit done tonight, but in all honesty, I was so sad and I missed you so much that I couldn't focus on anything. I read about weight loss studies to see if there are ways I could further accelerate my weight loss but it was hard to focus so I read the same thing over and over again. I learned of a technique called "IF" or Intermittent Fasting, which apparently works better for men than for women, but only if you're extreme about it. Since I'm doing a cheat day that fills me up a ton, I think fasting the next day might help with "recovery" before I start the eating plan again for the week. I'm going to try it and just see how I feel. From Sunday night dinner to Monday night dinner I'll fast-- so 24 hrs or so. I'm also going to incorporate more "damage control" techniques to try to prevent huge gains when I pig out. For example, drinking grapefruit juice, which is supposed to help blunt any insulin spikes, and doing 90 seconds of intense exercise before eating & after so that the sugars get burned off and no stored. We shall see... XD It's hard to tell what's hokey and what's not, and different things work differently for different people because everyone is different. o_o I have gone to Curves 4x this week and I will go in the morning tomorrow after my weigh-in and before breakfast. I also decided I'm going to try working out on an empty stomach and see if that accelerates my weight loss too. I want results, dammit! LOL.
Anyway, I was going to mention earlier but I got sidetracked... they posted more pictures of your battery today on Facebook and yet again there are no pictures of you. I feel like I should be grateful they even bother but at the same time it feels like utter torture... cause I get so excited and I slowly & painstakingly search every visible face in the pictures hoping to recognize you and every time I get to the end of the new uploads with nothing. :( It's kinda like when the mail man comes and there's no letter, except worse. I am totally hating this situation today. I broke down and cried for about 15 minutes straight... but I'm better now. I just want to know that I'm not going through this for nothing... I want to know that you'll always be with me... I wish I could know that and I hate that I don't. It makes it that much harder at times like this. I love you so much... sorry for the downer letter today. I had a hard time. Can't wait to see you/speak to you/get a letter/anything.
Your loving & devoted girlfriend,
Cherry Girl
XXXXX
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Letter: About Aunt E*, 2 Letters/Week, Swimming, Cooking
I love you so much.
Dearest Sweet *Soldier*,
I regretfully inform you that your Great Aunt E* died yesterday. I found out because your mom posted on Facebook about it. I'm sorry to write about this news in a letter & maybe your mom was able to call & tell you before you get this... but, if not, here is her Facebook post...
"My heart hurts like crazy right now. I lost my Aunt E* today. She was the kindest, most loving person I know. Her hugs were the best, and when it came time to physically let her go it was so hard I felt like my heart was actually coming out of my body. I just wanted to keep my arms around her forever. I cried until the chest and shoulder of her hospital clothes were soaked. I know in spirit she was hugging me back and telling me she loves me and she is ok. She was so much a part of my childhood and the footprints she's left in my life will leave me forever a better person. I love you, Aunt E*."
I don't have any clue how hard this news will hit you... but if it hurts, close your eyes for a moment and imagine me holding you. I did just now, so I'm sending you a hug-- as long as you need. I'll be here for you as long as you want me to be. <3
(more on reverse)
I didn't get a letter again today. Do you think you could try to send 2 per week maybe? I've gotten maybe 4 all this month so far and it feels like I'm living in a dark black hole where there is no such person as *My Soldier*. I take any opportunity to bring you into conversations because it reminds me that you're still in my life, even if it's in a severely limited way. Of course, I'm writing to you... but to never get responses... it feels like I'm talking to myself sometimes.
The highlight of today was going swimming with R*. She came over and we swam in my parent's pool. The days have warmed up and so the water temperature also feels warmer. It was fun, and we finished off our night in the hot tub. It really is cool at night. They have multicolored lights under the water that make it seem like you're lounging in different colors of jello or something, and there's a rubber ducky that lights up. If we had drinks too it would have felt like we were in Vegas or something. XD
I've cooked a few times this week and don't find it all that difficult, which is encouraging. I only have to cook, at most, 2 meals per day and most of the time I end up with leftovers which means 1 less time I have to cook, lol. Running out of room so I'll close, but, I love you. No less than I did when I kissed you goodbye. And I miss you. So badly my heart feels like it's ready to explode. I love you.
Yours,
Cherry Girl <3
* Could you send at least 2 letters a week?
Dearest Sweet *Soldier*,
I regretfully inform you that your Great Aunt E* died yesterday. I found out because your mom posted on Facebook about it. I'm sorry to write about this news in a letter & maybe your mom was able to call & tell you before you get this... but, if not, here is her Facebook post...
"My heart hurts like crazy right now. I lost my Aunt E* today. She was the kindest, most loving person I know. Her hugs were the best, and when it came time to physically let her go it was so hard I felt like my heart was actually coming out of my body. I just wanted to keep my arms around her forever. I cried until the chest and shoulder of her hospital clothes were soaked. I know in spirit she was hugging me back and telling me she loves me and she is ok. She was so much a part of my childhood and the footprints she's left in my life will leave me forever a better person. I love you, Aunt E*."
I don't have any clue how hard this news will hit you... but if it hurts, close your eyes for a moment and imagine me holding you. I did just now, so I'm sending you a hug-- as long as you need. I'll be here for you as long as you want me to be. <3
(more on reverse)
I didn't get a letter again today. Do you think you could try to send 2 per week maybe? I've gotten maybe 4 all this month so far and it feels like I'm living in a dark black hole where there is no such person as *My Soldier*. I take any opportunity to bring you into conversations because it reminds me that you're still in my life, even if it's in a severely limited way. Of course, I'm writing to you... but to never get responses... it feels like I'm talking to myself sometimes.
The highlight of today was going swimming with R*. She came over and we swam in my parent's pool. The days have warmed up and so the water temperature also feels warmer. It was fun, and we finished off our night in the hot tub. It really is cool at night. They have multicolored lights under the water that make it seem like you're lounging in different colors of jello or something, and there's a rubber ducky that lights up. If we had drinks too it would have felt like we were in Vegas or something. XD
I've cooked a few times this week and don't find it all that difficult, which is encouraging. I only have to cook, at most, 2 meals per day and most of the time I end up with leftovers which means 1 less time I have to cook, lol. Running out of room so I'll close, but, I love you. No less than I did when I kissed you goodbye. And I miss you. So badly my heart feels like it's ready to explode. I love you.
Yours,
Cherry Girl <3
* Could you send at least 2 letters a week?
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Letter: About MegaMind, Wishing for Letters, Hurt Feelings, Questions
Dearest Beloved,
I miss you. :( Today was more of the same, for the most part. Except I went to R*'s for delicious chili and we watched Mega Mind. I remember watching it with you and how much I LOVED it!! It made me sad that you aren't with me. I have decided that I really do like my life better with you in it. No one has ever brought me light and joy like you do. The best part is how loyal and trustworthy you are, so I don't have to be afraid or wonder what you're up to. I know you are waiting for me faithfully just like I've been waiting for you. :) It really is lovely to feel secure.
I really wish I could have gotten a letter today... or maybe your fabled graduation packet we're supposed to be getting, lol. I just hate the feeling that no matter what I do, I can't control when I get to speak with you. I guess I could send myself to the hospital technically but I obviously would never do that-- to myself OR to you. :P I just love getting letters and it's sad when the mailbox is empty of anything with that wonderful handwriting of yours. :) I can't describe that feeling! It's like my heart stops and has a party (when there IS a letter I mean), but when it's just bills and spam mail for mom & dad it's... well, disappointing. I just always think "Maybe there'll be a letter tomorrow..." I also wish you'd never said you didn't want letters every day... I know you said you changed your mind and I know you have told me that you hate when there's no letter form me during mail call, but I'll never forget how hurt I felt that you rejected such a gift of dedication at first... and it comes back to haunt me every once in a while when it's the end of the day, I'm ready to just pass out, and your words pop into my head, "I don't want a letter EVERY day... that's a little much..." I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I just want to tell my boyfriend how I feel. be careful with what you say, with anyone-- not just me. I find comfort, however, knowing that you've never once made me feel ugly or unattractive-- and that's something I cannot say about any other guy I've been with. You're really so wonderful. :)
Before I close, I wanted to ask you something.
* Did you get my letter written on Sept 17th and the pictures I included for you?
*(if yes) How did you feel, having gotten my short letter but then getting a letter where I told you all about how crazy I am about you? :)
* Do you like the pictures/Do you look at them?
* Do you still miss me?
These are the answers I'd like today. Thank you puppy for being so willing to answer them for me. I love you with all my heart.
Your Cherub,
Cherry Girl <3
XXXXX
I miss you. :( Today was more of the same, for the most part. Except I went to R*'s for delicious chili and we watched Mega Mind. I remember watching it with you and how much I LOVED it!! It made me sad that you aren't with me. I have decided that I really do like my life better with you in it. No one has ever brought me light and joy like you do. The best part is how loyal and trustworthy you are, so I don't have to be afraid or wonder what you're up to. I know you are waiting for me faithfully just like I've been waiting for you. :) It really is lovely to feel secure.
I really wish I could have gotten a letter today... or maybe your fabled graduation packet we're supposed to be getting, lol. I just hate the feeling that no matter what I do, I can't control when I get to speak with you. I guess I could send myself to the hospital technically but I obviously would never do that-- to myself OR to you. :P I just love getting letters and it's sad when the mailbox is empty of anything with that wonderful handwriting of yours. :) I can't describe that feeling! It's like my heart stops and has a party (when there IS a letter I mean), but when it's just bills and spam mail for mom & dad it's... well, disappointing. I just always think "Maybe there'll be a letter tomorrow..." I also wish you'd never said you didn't want letters every day... I know you said you changed your mind and I know you have told me that you hate when there's no letter form me during mail call, but I'll never forget how hurt I felt that you rejected such a gift of dedication at first... and it comes back to haunt me every once in a while when it's the end of the day, I'm ready to just pass out, and your words pop into my head, "I don't want a letter EVERY day... that's a little much..." I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I just want to tell my boyfriend how I feel. be careful with what you say, with anyone-- not just me. I find comfort, however, knowing that you've never once made me feel ugly or unattractive-- and that's something I cannot say about any other guy I've been with. You're really so wonderful. :)
Before I close, I wanted to ask you something.
* Did you get my letter written on Sept 17th and the pictures I included for you?
*(if yes) How did you feel, having gotten my short letter but then getting a letter where I told you all about how crazy I am about you? :)
* Do you like the pictures/Do you look at them?
* Do you still miss me?
These are the answers I'd like today. Thank you puppy for being so willing to answer them for me. I love you with all my heart.
Your Cherub,
Cherry Girl <3
XXXXX
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Letter: About Sundays, Daily, New Identity, Love
Dear *Soldier*,
I keep wondering if you'll get your phone again next Sunday... I'm going to keep my phone nearby just in case, but I don't want to get overly hopeful either... in case you're not able to call. It was so nice speaking to you, but now I ache for you again as if a wound was freshly reopened. At the same time, I keep thinking of how little time is left before we'll have regular contact again... only 4 more weeks (and a few days)! I made it through 6 so far, so I can do this...
I had a pretty unproductive day... my muscles were still sore feeling so I didn't go to Curves, but I did have nice lean meals with veggies and they were delicious. I also did one session and took a nap. It probably sounds like heaven to you right now... I'm not trying to rub that in your face. XD R* came over today. She was feeling depressed and wanted me to cheer her up. Since she was here and I couldn't work on a Unit as I had planned to do, I worked on vacuuming my parents' pool. It has a bunch of dead algae in the bottom because dad forgot to chlorinate it once and it stated growing... it's such a pain to get rid of. Not hard to kill it, but a pain to get it OUT. I spent probably 2 hours vacuuming but only got 2/3rds finished. Oh well. Had a nice chat with R* at the same time at least. I stayed up late doing a Unit for my certification. I've finished 11 Units now and have 9 left to go... I know from experience that in a time crunch I can do 1 unit per day, but it has to be a day in which I have ample time... tomorrow should be a good day to get some work done. I'm going over to R*'s in the evening because I'm having some dried eggs shipped there to add to my shakes (less nasty and safer than raw eggs, lol)... so I need to pick that up. While I'm there she's going to make me some of her chili... which is so delicious. I'm not a huge chili fan but her chili is more like vegetable soup with LOTS of meat and beans... anyway I asked her specifically to make it because so far it's one of my favorite meals since beginning this eating plan. :) It's wonderful eaten with fresh crunchy lettuce. WHO AM I?! XDDD
It's really neat to be discovering my own identity outside of food. I read a nice quote today that said, "I am not fat. I HAVE fat. There is a difference." That's how I feel... I still have fat but the person inside me isn't fat anymore. :) I just have to wait for the body to adjust to the not-fat self inside I guess, lol. Okay enough about the diet, I'm kinda getting tired of writing about it and you're probably getting tired of reading about it. XD
I just keep thinking about how overwhelmingly proud I am to be with you. You're going to do such amazing things and I'm so glad I can call you mine. I hope you feel the same way... mutual slaves, right? :) Please take care of yourself and your body... I'm glad you got well so quickly and I'm kind of mad that you pushed yourself the way you did, but I also understand why you did it... I don't like it but I'm just glad you're okay. Finally, there's one question I forgot to add to the bulleted list in the last letter (hopefully that wasn't too overwhelming for you). And I have one new one. ;)
* You talked about the gun spinning stuff in a previous letter... Are you going to learn more complicated movements with the rifles or is that only for certain MOS's?
* Do you still love me? How much? ;D
I will love you forever, *Soldier*, never ever doubt that,
Your Cherry Girl <3
I keep wondering if you'll get your phone again next Sunday... I'm going to keep my phone nearby just in case, but I don't want to get overly hopeful either... in case you're not able to call. It was so nice speaking to you, but now I ache for you again as if a wound was freshly reopened. At the same time, I keep thinking of how little time is left before we'll have regular contact again... only 4 more weeks (and a few days)! I made it through 6 so far, so I can do this...
I had a pretty unproductive day... my muscles were still sore feeling so I didn't go to Curves, but I did have nice lean meals with veggies and they were delicious. I also did one session and took a nap. It probably sounds like heaven to you right now... I'm not trying to rub that in your face. XD R* came over today. She was feeling depressed and wanted me to cheer her up. Since she was here and I couldn't work on a Unit as I had planned to do, I worked on vacuuming my parents' pool. It has a bunch of dead algae in the bottom because dad forgot to chlorinate it once and it stated growing... it's such a pain to get rid of. Not hard to kill it, but a pain to get it OUT. I spent probably 2 hours vacuuming but only got 2/3rds finished. Oh well. Had a nice chat with R* at the same time at least. I stayed up late doing a Unit for my certification. I've finished 11 Units now and have 9 left to go... I know from experience that in a time crunch I can do 1 unit per day, but it has to be a day in which I have ample time... tomorrow should be a good day to get some work done. I'm going over to R*'s in the evening because I'm having some dried eggs shipped there to add to my shakes (less nasty and safer than raw eggs, lol)... so I need to pick that up. While I'm there she's going to make me some of her chili... which is so delicious. I'm not a huge chili fan but her chili is more like vegetable soup with LOTS of meat and beans... anyway I asked her specifically to make it because so far it's one of my favorite meals since beginning this eating plan. :) It's wonderful eaten with fresh crunchy lettuce. WHO AM I?! XDDD
It's really neat to be discovering my own identity outside of food. I read a nice quote today that said, "I am not fat. I HAVE fat. There is a difference." That's how I feel... I still have fat but the person inside me isn't fat anymore. :) I just have to wait for the body to adjust to the not-fat self inside I guess, lol. Okay enough about the diet, I'm kinda getting tired of writing about it and you're probably getting tired of reading about it. XD
I just keep thinking about how overwhelmingly proud I am to be with you. You're going to do such amazing things and I'm so glad I can call you mine. I hope you feel the same way... mutual slaves, right? :) Please take care of yourself and your body... I'm glad you got well so quickly and I'm kind of mad that you pushed yourself the way you did, but I also understand why you did it... I don't like it but I'm just glad you're okay. Finally, there's one question I forgot to add to the bulleted list in the last letter (hopefully that wasn't too overwhelming for you). And I have one new one. ;)
* You talked about the gun spinning stuff in a previous letter... Are you going to learn more complicated movements with the rifles or is that only for certain MOS's?
* Do you still love me? How much? ;D
I will love you forever, *Soldier*, never ever doubt that,
Your Cherry Girl <3
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