Dear Nathan,
About 5 minutes ago or less i woke up from a vivid dream I had about you. It turned into a nightmare at the end but I wanted to tell you about it anyway.
It started out with me driving. I was hot (I forgot to turn the fan on before I went to sleep and it's the afternoon-- Sunday afternoon nap) and so I decided to find someplace to cool off. For some reason, I thought someone had told me about a bag of ice I could have up in Oklahoma. Even though logic said, "You could buy a bag of ice for cheaper than the gas to get to Oklahoma," I went anyway because I thought I would try to see you. I knew I wouldn't be able to speak with you but I thought maybe I could watch through a fence at the edge of the base and hopefully see you. (This seemed rational in my dream, lol.) So, I went. When I arrived nearby, I went into a random building (the gate security wasn't a thing in my subconscious I guess) and you were sitting in the bottom left row on some bleachers with a bunch of other soldiers. I couldn't believe it! I just went in some random building and there you were! You were being yelled at/prompted loudly... all I remember is that you were talking in unison, like practicing stating a whole paragraph you had to memorize or something. At one point you stated your weight, but because everyone else said theirs too, I couldn't hear what yours was. There were a few other statements like this but I can't remember what the info was. Anyway, I was scared to get you in trouble, so I didn't say anything, just stood there awkwardly hoping you'd notice. Which you did. I could tell you were worried about getting in trouble too but at the same time I could tell you were surprised and happy I was there. You started mouthing and signing to me. Things like "I love you. I miss you. Why are you here?" I tried to say back "I love you too! It's the weirdest thing, I just walked into this building and there you were! No joke!" (I forgot to mention-- you had long, unwashed, stringy hair... all the soldiers did-- like to show that it had been so long since you got there I guess? Cause I remembered they shaved it when you got there... anyway. I know this is not true to life-- they keep your hair short, but it was a dream.) Anyway I kept thinking I should leave before anyone noticed or said anything but I had trouble letting go of you. I remember whispering to you about how I wish we knew sign language because that would have been more acceptable... XD ... So, after a good 10 minutes of whispering together (not once did you tell me to leave, btw), the guy talking to you all stopped & came around the corner to where I was (he was out of sight before.) He was a big black man and his uniform said "Holmes" which is the name of the 1LT who posts the Facebook updates for us... lol. Anyway... he said, "And who might you be?" I Really didn't want to get you in trouble so I just said, "Oh! No one, sorry. I was just passing by & heard something interesting so I was watching." Well, he said, "You're not welcome here." and shut the door in my face. I felt distraught and worried but hopeful that maybe you wouldn't get in trouble... so I went into a nearby bathroom just to collect my thoughts and composure. While in there I could CLEARLY hear Holmes (or someone) saying, "So, Reader made contact first?" (I was thinking - "Fuck!" :( ) and then he proceeded to lecture the whole platoon about how family and loved ones mean nothing to you now... about how all that matters are your brothers in arms and how I was a distraction to your job. He was livid and I couldn't hear anyone else talking but I was waiting for your punishment... he never issued one but kept saying shit about how family/loved ones are garbage-- "like dust to you now" and "dead to you" as if your old self that loved me/them was dead and things like that. I was so upset I woke myself up and was happy it was a dream... it was great to "see" you but in reality the fear of getting you in trouble would never allow me to do anything crazy like that. Anyway mom's ready to book the hotel rooms so I'm gonna continue my letter later. ~5:13 pm
****** TBC ******
10:45 PM Hi baby!!! :) ----> flip over. <3
I feel so stuffed right now, lol. It's the end of a long cheat day and I ate pretty badly, lol. I really hope it doesn't throw me off track too much. :P But it's kind of cool because a few times this weekend I thought "I don't really want _____." fill in the blank with unhealthy stuff. :D I hope you enjoyed reading about my dream. I'm sure it was because I keep thinking about how I wish I could just go see you, lol. Combined with the fact that I haven't heard from you much, so I want some comforting contact with my puppy. <3 But alas I cannot. :(
I miss you SO MUCH!!! It's driving me crazy thinking about seeing you for graduation! I know we can't show any PDA really while you're in unifrom so if you'll kindly not push me away or be hurtful when I want to kiss you or something... I read that sneaking quick pecks should be reasonable... and a "short" hug. Is that consistent with what you've been told? Even if it's a short kiss it'd better be a good one... ;) Oh, so my room is at hte Holiday Inn Express which has a nice hot tub and I'm staying Wed, Thurs, & Fri nights. I'm SO EXCITED!!!! Now it's time to wait and focus on my weight. ^_^ and the certification. <3 I love you! Can't wait for your next letter!!! Write when you can please Sunbear.
<3 Stay soft inside. <3
Your Cherub,
Cherry Girl <3
XXXXXXXXX
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