Dearest *Soldier*,
Tonight has been harder than usual. I watched World War Z and it made me think of you SO much... partly because we were going to watch it together, and partly because of all the soldier/military action in the movie... There was the wife who had the phone and was waiting to hear from her husband anxiously... I identified a little bit too much. :( Even though you're in a much safer position... I still check the mail every single day hoping to get some word from you. I have a constant ache that I don't know how to kill sometimes. Some days it fades as I focus on my goals and responsibilities... and some days (or hours) I'm rendered almost inert because I can't think of anything but you and how much I miss you. Despite this, I've been able to keep up with everything I have to do so far. :)
I am crying less and I hope that you're glad to hear it. It doesn't diminish how much I care... but I guess I'm in survival mode or something. I know I'll get through this... I just wish it didn't hurt so much. I can't help but worry about our relationship... we quite literally paused it completely when you left... and you're undergoing dramatic changes. Some days I can't believe you want me... other days I think you're really lucky to have me. You know I'll always be faithful. You know I'm changing my lifestyle and I swear I'm going to keep up with it. In a few months maybe I'll even be able to do a push up again... haha. >.< I haven't tried recently but I can feel new muscles already from working out at Curves every day. :)
*Edit--> I JUST tried to do a push up and I was able to do a "lady push up" no problem, and even a FULL push up a little bit. I couldn't go down very far or my arms would have collapsed, but I went down and up again slightly! That's a big improvement already! Yay!
Anyway, I went to the gym 4 times last week and 5 times so far this week. I'd like to go again in the morning but I have to get to bed soon if that's going to happen, lol. They close at noon on Saturdays. Sundays they're not open, so that's the day I always give my body rest. I just feel like moving a lot more! Maybe it's because this diet gives me a lot more energy than I've had... maybe it's because I don't want you to get all sexy whilst leaving me in fat land by myself. Before you decided to join the military I always thought you'd be at least a little bit chubby... then yeah. You get more attractive all the time... I want your buddies to see me and think of how lucky you are... I know that's a ways away, but I am sure that if I lose enough weight, no one will think I'm your mom anymore. XD That's a big motivator. And having babies. And raising them, playing with them. And going backpacking. I don't want you to leave me behind... On a positive note, I've been looking at before and after photos for people who did the diet I'm on for one year or longer... many of them lost more than 100 lbs in only one year! Maybe by this time next year I'll look a lot better. :) I'm building muscle too so I'm not so whimpy... and so that hopefully my skin re-stretches as much as possible...
I love you so much. Please don't ever forget that. I write every day, even if I don't feel like it, so that you'll never doubt the truth of that. Write when you can, please, Sunbear. Stay soft inside. <3
Yours,
Cherry Girl
p.s. I can't wait to kiss you, hold you, hug you, link my arm in yours* (*last one military approved) ^_^
I don't like leaving all this space...
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
But I'm tired & I know you understand. <3
Love You!!!
XXXXXX
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